I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
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