So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I am midnight drunk by noon
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
