I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
