I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
