I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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