He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
