I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
