If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
