remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
