I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
