apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
