i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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