See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
