not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
We were destined to go to rehab together
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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