We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
