girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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