Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
