Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Send help, water and tortillas.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
