Why does Corona taste like a burp?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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