the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
