I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
the day after is always just damage control
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
