Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
