I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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