His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
God I need to hump something, right now.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
