He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
