Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
