We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
