Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
