just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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