i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
