your parents love me but you hate me
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
