WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
