I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
