Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
