We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
