Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
