the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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