Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
