i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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