Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
