My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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