This is not my ceiling
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
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