i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
