I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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