she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
She's the barista slut.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
