I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
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