when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
