FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
