I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
