I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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