Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
