i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Randomize
